Forced Movement or Gentle Flow

So here I am again, sipping a great coffee, sitting across from my sweet lucky charm for writing, Lacey at my beloved Starbucks!!! You already know how desperately I devoured the book Present Over Perfect, and it has been in my head and in my heart, and I have PURPOSEFULLY been working on REORDERING my life.  WARNING…. WARNING… DO NOT – AND I MEAN DO NOT – READ THIS BOOK IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE CONVICTED.

Now I find out that there is a workbook, and for the little I have read, the workbook is GREAT too!!!!  I got a week’s worth of wisdom in the intro!

Well truth be told if you are one of those WONDERFULLY WEIRD, and I mean really weird and unusual people who do things without having to be hit over the head to learn. Or if you are already a ZEN person who schedules ME TIME, Ha ha ha ha…. Or if you are a person who has already figured it out, then perhaps you don’t need the book. Or if you were born knowing the meaning of the word “NO” then perhaps you can just keep reading some leisure fiction.  But for me, I had to be hit over the head numerous times to get that I was on a fast moving train that did not stop at stations to refuel.

You would think that I would have gotten a clue when as early as 10 years ago, people were making fun of my schedule and to the point of writing it out and embellishing to show just how CRAZY it was.  NOPE, I laughed with them and did not get it then. I also did not get it when people bought me books, like… Meditations for Women that Do Too Much, or my Workaholic Mama, or Seriously, Girl Slow your Roll. Okay some of these titles are made up but you get my point.

When Hugh got sick and then passed away I was forced to slow down and look at my life. I was forced on my knees, asking God for MORE direction, MORE guidance, and actually MORE Of his grace and less of messy me. I remembered all the conversations that Hugh and I had…. By the way, he was one of those WONDERFULLY WEIRD.  He could sit and do absolutely nothing and if a struggling person needed him he would STOP and listen and look in their hearts. He NEVER – and I mean never – got in a hurry for anything. (Even if the office table is on fire, story for another day.)

As I sit here, and I am working on me and working on letting go what needs to be let go and learn what needs to stay, I am reminded of the gentle flow of life and nature. It is PERFECT, it has order, even in the storm there is order to all of it.  I like Shauna says in her book, have been a person of forced movement. Too busy, too much life, push, pull, jump, jump….. One speed: WIDE ASS OPEN!

Funny thing is I really love my life and have great joy, but the issue is I love too much of it. I know that the pace that I have been on is not sustainable and there is only so much time to fill. I am living way too close to the edge, with no margin and no white space. So basically I said all of the above to say this… I am seeking an honest assessment so that my life will be less full so that God has more space to pour what is needed and not any more “stuff” or busyness.  So basically, I am praying for LESS in the next phase of my life.

I, however, don’t want less coffee, or less writing, or less of my sweet friends and family. I want more of you and less of stuff, I want a gentle, peaceful flowing life.  I want to be one of those WONDERFULLY WEIRD people that maybe even get bored once a week or so. Yeah right!!!