My heart wide Open

When my heart is fully open,  I can fully love all of you because all of you can love all of me. ~karen

The words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart…… Oh my, I am having to dig deep these days and practice what I have been preaching.  I really thought I was exempt from hitting a place in my life where I would be the one that needed help, needed a lifeline or phone a friend. I saw myself as the one doing the helping. The one who was having her ear bent…. Certainly not the other way around.

I have prided (for what that is worth) myself or rather believed that I was not capable of relying on running things past someone or letting my voice be heard or rather crying out with real thoughts and feelings even if they were not lovely.  I am so good at being the leader, the one that comes up with a solution for you and for yours but heaven forbid I be the one that finally cries UNCLE!!!!

While joyful, thankful, happy, peaceful and all those things are my status quo…. I find that due to just real life events, death, rehab, death again, business challenges,raising littles, human challenges, I guess basically life, it is okay to ask for help. What you say??? I am saying it is okay to ask for help. Don’t make me repeat it again or I may just exit this and pretend I did not say it.

When Lacey and I started teaching the Happiness Project, never did I imagine that it would show me that I can have a whole bigger piece of life by being more vulnerable and more transparent and admitting, Hey I really don’t have it all together.  But hey, I really am grateful for this learning and growing due to this lack of having it togetherness. I learned that I too can say, hey let’s pray about his thing that I am scared about. Take my hand and together we are stronger.

Because I have spent so many years achieving, striving, growing, loving, lifting others I assumed that only went one way. I am finding that it really helps others if you too admit, hey I need you too. I too need someone to listen to me and find out that I really could use some help. I really do need to concentrate on my own health and mending before I worry about climbing another mountain just for the sake of climbing. Being vulnerable with your heart wide open, all of it, allows others to feel safe to open their hearts as well.

Since Hugh’s death and so much study of what in the world am I here for I am learning to add to life what is needed and to subtract that which is not. One thing that is needed is more time with the humans and family that I love, more time on my knees in gratitude. More time in just saying YES when a friend calls and says let’s do dinner. Let’s go get coffee. Let’s just walk on the beach and worship God’s sunset. Lets just sit!!! What????? Lets just sit and be still and know that we really are precious and holy in his sight without all this doing and  being. We ARE just because.

I am in a season of contrast.  A season of extreme delight and at the same time, a time of extreme questioning and trimming away of those things that are not life giving or affirming. A trimming away of those things that do not bring value so that I have more time to love my friends, adore my kids and grands,  enjoy my life and do more of what God has put me here to do…. Fully and completely open and ready to be more and at the same time do less.

Oh my what an order!!! Do I think I can? Yes I know I can because I am surrounded and lifted with the most amazing love and the most amazing God that is nothing but love and goodness.

With a wide open heart filled with love ready to give it but ready to receive it as well. And so it is.

Love and more love,

Karen