I am on a deep quest since Hugh Passed away well really the whole of my life to really find my deepest purpose. What in the world am I here for? What is the one thing that God designed me to do? I have found many things and ways to love but do I know that one thing? Is there that one thing? Where can I find it? How will I know? Lots of questions stiring in this tender heart that only wants to love as many as I can while I am here. I know God may be tiring of my questions as of late and may even roll his eyes as I ask him again, “Okay God seriously what do your want me to fully do while I am here on this precious place you gave us to live and to play?”
I think he does not answer quickly because it is in the doing and the living and the mystery of WHY that we find who and whose we are. If we did not go through all the layers of life we would not be prepared to do that thing, that is our thing. (FOR SOME LEVITY I JUST TRIED TO SWIPE THE PAGE OF MY NOTEBOOK TO TURN THE PAGE!!!!!). Back to my seeking! I keep asking myself, “How can I write something or share something that has not already been said? How can I make a difference in the life of another? What of my story needs to be told?”
I keep thinking that I just don’t want to be another layer of life but I want to be able to help people find their truth of what they are designed for and wake them up with a. resounding truth of what they are here for. But silly me, but silly me mustn’t I first find mine??? Death has a way of clearing out things, cleaning your life closet so to speak of the things that hold no value. But it is not a fast clean out, we hold to things that no longer serve us because they are comfortably uncomfortable, until they are not.
I know you may think this is the one blog where I tell you that I finally have the answer. Well I do and I don’t. I do know however that someone does hold that answer for me and I will find it in the seeking. The deep seeking. The stillness. The honesty of what is and not what I wish it to be.
I am a ridiculous habitual reader and I love fiction and non but most NON…. I love peoples stories especially the messy ones where they find their way out from under all their piles and layers of stuff, literally and figuratively. So the last few days I have not been able to get into a fiction book so I picked up my precious Christ loving friends book, Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamont. In this next sentence I think I will find myself and meditate on this until I get a clear answer and if I don’t I will keep this practice going and in that perhaps there will be a blessed assurance that I am where and who I am. BUT IF NOT I WILL LOVE ALL ALONG THE WAY AND NO HARM WILL BE IN THAT. HERE GOES THE SENTENCE THAT HIT ME AND I HOPE IT HITS YOU!!
She shares,…..” I had a feeling ever since that I was supposed to walk through life with a deeper faith, a deeper assurance that if I took care of God’s children for God, he or she would take care of me. “
These are the thoughts that are running around in my little head before I start the running around of my day. I do know this to be true, I love finding the love in others and I want to find the deepest love in me that helps you find the deepest love in you. I am not quite sure what I am here for other than to love as deeply as I can and to help us all find that thing that we need to do to make life a little brighter and sweeter, so here we go with another day to do so. And so it is.