How Hard can It Be????

A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days…… A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order— willed, faked, and so brought into being.  ~ Annie Dillard

Sarah Von Breathbach shared in her Simple Abundance that a friend of hers has a theory that it’s not so much all we actually have to do in any one week that kills us, it’s thinking about all we have to do!!!!!  BINGO!!! BINGO!!! BINGO!!!  Or for me if I can do it and how I can do it and where in the world is it????

I had a mini breakdown and a crisis of confidence today when I was trying to get ready and could not find the shirt I had just bought to go with the outfit that I had picked out and I could not find one pair of one million glasses hiding in my home and I could not find another shirt that could have gone with the one pair of pants that I did find!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SEEEERIOUSLY!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO KEEP UP WITH THINGS??? 

Please don’t answer that because if you are one of my super organized or even if you are one of my somewhat organized friends I don’t understand you. I can not hear you and even though what you are saying makes sense to my brain it does not go into my heart and into practice. I really want to be better, I really really do. But do I really? Because if I did, would I not know where I put that last journal that I started and had to get another one and start in the middle of the year.  Bless the family member that tries to put them in sequence when my days are done.

I have lamented that starting as far back as I can remember, I started each year with the writing prompt from my teacher: What is your new year’s resolution?  And each and every year until I graduated from that part of life, I painfully wrote in a pretty script I might add: I will be organized and keep up with my things.  When I wrote it I really meant it and I really wanted it!!!!  Never mind that I was a great student, had pretty handwriting and I was super sweet, and I guess I was somewhat gifted at writing and art and dance I would have traded it all to be that organized together girl!!!!  

My mom was super organized and seemed to fit into her day all the things on her pretty list with time to spare. She could sew on a button, which I still can not do, she could do the laundry, cook the meals, do the homework, and make sure that each of my events were organized for the week.  She was a well oiled machine and it looked so dang easy the way she did it!!!!  

For more years than I want to tell you I have had well meaning friends that try to explain how I can be more together and to be more organized and more like  them like I wish I could be.  This morning for more than a few moments I was that little girl who felt shame for not being that super efficient organized girl and then I remembered the sweetest, sweetest thing!!!

When I was giving myself a hard time when I was young and telling my mom sadly that I wanted to be more like her she looked at me sweetly and smiled and laughed a little. She told me, “Sweet Karen, you are exactly as you are supposed to be. You are so sweet and so kind and so loving and that is how God made you. The other things are not as important as you make them out to be.  I would trade much of who I am to be more like you.” 

I am glad I remembered those things this morning and I am so thankful that the voice of my mom turned into the voice of Hugh through the years. Honestly I think I am better in so many ways but the truth is there are somethings that I just think I will stop spending so much time thinking of them and just focus on that which I am and not that which I am not!!!  Seriously, how hard can it be?????? I guess as long as I am alive I have time to be the best version of me and until then I will accept the me that I am now!!!!  Now where the heck did I put my keys??? Wait, I guess they are somewhere in my car because it cranked!!!! Sheesh.

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