“New life starts in the dark, whether it’s a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark.” Barbara Brown Taylor
I have written many a love note and many a contract from this very spot, Hugh’s big antique desk, but this is the first love note since he left us. It just wasn’t time yet. He was the one that sat here, he is the one that wrote his contracts…. Very SLLOWWWWWLY, he wrote them with precision and unhurried as was his nature for all things. He is the one that researched things and researched things, and I mean really really researched them before he made a decision. Don’t forget the Garden story!!!! He is the one that played Angry Birds with the kids and let them play house under foot.
And now, although my world was shaken, I am rooted in a renewed faith and a new life that is mine because I am alive and have a big life ahead of me to live and to share with others. It is my belief that God has always shown his brightest light after the darkest hour and the best and brightest things are birthed in this experience, if we trust and allow it to be.
It is impossible to believe it has been a year since we found out that Hugh was sick. We would lose him only 2 months later and the path to that loss was dark and sad but also filled with some of the most tender and brightest moments ever. Hugh saw his family work together to make his last days as comfortable as possible. We prayed prayers we never would have prayed, We shared stories we never would have shared, we counted moments that we used to take for granted. We stopped saying, we will do that tomorrow because we only had today.
Out of the darkness we heard so many stories of redemption that people were apt to tell us. They knew that time was up and they must tell us their story. We heard stories of sons and fathers, mothers and daughters brought together because they wrestled the darkness and they won. They had a new life, a sober life. Their families were put back together, their belief in life and hope was back in tact. We heard from people long sober telling their beginning stories of their darkest days and now their days are filled with life and they are sharing that with others.
Funny how us humans are. When faced with darkness, we need to make sense of it, find our story in it. It forces us to find our faith, it forces us to let down our guard and let other humans be wonderful and love us deeply. The darkness has a way of pulling out all those things we learned as a child, that song that lifted us such as Love lifted me, Love lifted me, when nothing else could help, Love lifted me. Darkness has a way of making us hit our knees more often, longer and with more sincerity. Darkness has a way of having us glance back at ort history and know that God has always been faithful to comfort us and there is no reason that He would not do it again. Darkness really can be the most amazing birth place of a life that is worthy to share with others. Loss has a way of making us better people if we allow it to.
I am so thankful that I have had enough practice living in darkness that my faith was brought to life. I am so thankful that I was surrounded by so much light that overshadowed the darkness, but more than anything I am thankful that I was never ever in the dark alone.
From the deepest part of my heart, I thank you and I thank you and I thank you for loving me in the darkness!!!
Karen key Smith