I am doing so well, God has me in his capable loving strong arms but I still wrestle with the belief that this world can really be without Hugh. He was just so big to me, his spirit was so big. He loved me so Big. I loved him so Big!!! He made me feel so big. He made me feel like there was nothing I could not do.
I am learning a new way of living. I am learning to be my own cheerleader. I am learning to be the one that says, come on Karen you can do it. You have some really audacious crazy dreams, some really uphill exciting plans that are screaming to be carried out. Your Cheerleader is gone but the things that God has intended for you are stronger than ever!!! I have to say this to me!!! You are still that little Engine that could. That little Engine that will with a big fire burning inside of me. Those things did not die with my precious Hugh.
Yes I believe that this delayed impact of grief, this slow rising and falling of the loss is part of the process. I will continue to praise my God in the valley because that is where he loves me best when I need Him most. I still can not help but believe that Hugh is proud of me still and how I have honored him in his coming and in his going.
Growth and the reality of what is and the changes are not easy but they are signals that we are very much alive and designed to do some mighty things while we are here. I am so thankful for all those that love me on a daily basis. I am so thankful for those that God allows me to love. I am also so thankful that he allows equal part joy and pain in the right measure so that I get to have all of life in all of its wonder!!!!