I just have to remind you of the time that you were trying, you were really trying to do the romantic thing. We both knew that the romantic thing wasn’t your gig, but still you wanted to try to make a nice valentines day for me. Don’t get me wrong, the loving thing towards me and others was your default. You lived the love thing on a daily basis and no holiday was needed to make that your default!!!
It turns out that because I knew your heart and your comfort level of all things Valentines day ritual and romantic flair, we both gave each other a gift that night. So you booked a table at our fave restaurant The Terrace. ( By the way, still have not been there, too tough) First issue was they put us in a room that was not your fave and you and I both know how much a man of ritual and habit you are and that did not fare well. The 2nd issue was it was the night of your AA meeting and you really never liked to miss your meetings.. BUT….. you were trying to do something that was clearly not comfortable to you so that you could do something you thought I would enjoy and love.
The restaurant was packed and the longer we sat there and I saw you shifting in your seat and clearly you were making the effort just for me. So I decided to give you a gift. I first off thanked you for doing something so selfless and so out of your norm but I suggested that we blow this joint, and that you go to your AA meeting, I would wait for you at home and we would then have a happy and joyful and peaceful night of popcorn and diet coke. I think you were up and in the car with it cranked before all the words were out of your mouth.
I will always remember that Valentines night as one of my favorite nights we had together. You were so happy to go to your meeting and come home and sit indian style and eat popcorn with me. You never forgot that I gave you the grace to love me in the way that was most fitting to you and I never forgot the effort you made to move from your comfort to love me more.
Hugh, I believe that our secret super power together was our ability to allow you to be 100 percent you and for me to do the same. You never tried to change me and I in turn never tried to change you.
As I sit here tonight and I have already picked out my happy Valentines day outfit, I remember that you were such a loving husband and friend. You were my best friend and although God has been good to me, I still am not quite sure what you do when your best friend is no longer with you. I have done as promised that I would do. I have taken all of the love that wells up in me for you and I am pouring it out on others. I know that you would love that. It has been the source of my healing and peace.
If you were here you would tell me how adorable I was and how precious my outfit was. You would tell me to keep doing my angel work and how proud you are of me. You would thank me for being so sweet to you all the time. It was so easy to be sweet to a man who was always so kind and loving to me. The most wonderful thing about kind words spoken to others, they never die, they live forever and ever. I sure do miss you sweet man.
Give Jesus a big Valentines day squeeze for me. He sure has been doing some miracle work in our family.
Missing you so very much!!!!
Ka-still running and running
Ps. Sheldon and Scotty are sober and I am so thankful. Thank Jesus for me!!!!
Pps. WE are taking Jocey on her first plane ride tomorrow and of course Erica and I have matching Valentine shirts.
PPPs. I will love many people tomorrow in your honor and maybe even eat some popcorn.