Dear Hugh…. your voice

last disney

Dear Sweet Hugh,

Oh honey,  up popped a memory from 3 years ago, 3 healthy years ago.  Those memories on facebook are equal parts joy and gnashing of teeth for me. The best and the worst of it is hearing your sweet melodic voice.  I think there will be no more memories with sound for me right now. It jus just too hard yet to hear your voice.

The memory that popped up was you doing the hedgehog with Jocelyn. Mind you, none of us really knew what the hedgehog was but it was a name Jocelyn gave a jump move in the pool. The precious thing about you is that you would always play along. They really need you because you were. the fun one, not the lay by the pool with a book one.  You were the one that played Marco Polo… oh how annoying is that noise, but oh how I would love about 3 hours or so of it right about now.

Today is their first day of Summer break and it just seems empty without you.  I know that those first days are the toughest days and you know me I will find infinite joy in the day, but we are missing you madly right now.

One year ago you were very sick and in spite of that got in your car and surprised us by being at Jett’s graduation. It would be the last time you drove a car.  It was so sweet but I could see that it was the end of something and the beginning of something.  I knew  that I would need God;s strength in vast supply.  Thankfully that has been the case, my faith is holding me steady.

Each of these first are tough, but I am finding a way to be grateful for all the first we ever had and we are building new memories and joys with these little ones and our big ones that miss you so badly as well.

You will be happy to know that Paul s visiting and Warren will join us soon and YES Erwin too!!!!  When I see them I get to see your face and a little of your voice but all of your spirit. You would be so proud of those boys and I am sure you may be showing the “big Guy”,  Paul’s writing, Warren’s surf videos or new designs and maybe just maybe Erwin’s corny jokes.  But none the less, they are all representative of you and they look and talk enough like you that I smile and my heart aches at the same time.

All this to say, this dang grief march is hard  yet I am so thankful that I ever had such a wonderful husband and all of the pain is worth all of the joy of it.  We love you so very much and miss our Hedgehog by the pool days but so happy we ever had a moment with you.

Loving you and missing you,


ps. The ground breaking is Wednesday for the office we were hoping for and yes my sweet precious Hugh, there is an office for you…. A very peaceful place it will be.

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