Dear Hugh, Looking back

Dear Sweet, Precious, honorable, humble, kind, adoring, loving Hugh,

We are in our final month of when that full moon took you away and whisked you to your new home.  I have finally come to a place where I can look back and smile at the memory of a video, of a picture, or a  thought. I am still not able to read your words because those were far too powerful and full of you. Your words and the way you put them together were art to me and heart to  me,  so NOPE I am not there yet. I think about them but I can not view them not yet, but your pictures they make me smile and even laugh at times.

looking backThe thing that really hit me today was the way you helped me parent these precious babies!!!  The first time they came to live with us for a bit you welcomed them and you went into parent mode, shopping for them, cooking for them, loving them, reading to them. NOT once did you think there was another way to do this, your way was to love them with all of you.  We were true partners in our 2nd time around parenting.

When they came to live with us in a more permanent setting you came up with a plan, you were in charge of getting Jett ready for school and Jocey was my task.  Just between us, we know who was easiest of the two. And the game you and Jett played to see who could get ready the fastest!! Ha Ha, I could have told Jett, had I had a mind too, that he could have crawled and gotten ready and still beat you, but don’t worry that was our secret.  Your slow pace and smooth way of life was one of the many things I loved about you and so glad you never tried to match my pace!!!

I was thinking on the way you were my partner today in every regard.  It was especially apparent in raising Jocelyn and Jett. You saw it as a privilege and a joy and you were my equal, I never felt alone.  I think my friends were already a little jealous at how sweet you were to me and then the way you were with all of our babies was just another sweet feather in your cap.  And every ones knows that you were the master at the Daddy walk in calming Piper.

Our lives went from couple cruises to Disney Cruises, from romantic couple dinners to McDonald Play ground dinners. Disney became our go to instead of Mayan trips.  We settled into the parent gig and God seemed to give us a peace about all of it and we just took it one day at a tine. We spent a few times on our knees asking for guidance but mostly we were thankful that God saw fit to bless us with lots of loving arms around our necks.

I am so thankful that this grief train has slowed down long enough for me to stick my head out and look back a little and do so with more of a song and less of a dread.  We all miss you so very much and yet I am so grateful that I ever had the gift of you. It is worth all the sadness and the pain to have had all the joy that you brought into my life.

I spoke to one of your old sponsees this past week and he too says that somedays it is really hard to think of you not being here.  He relishes the lessons of recovery and he uses them still and shares them with others.  That is all you ever wanted was to give away the gift for fun and for free. I am so thankful to have been a recipient of your love and your grace.

Oh honey what a legacy you have left on this sweet planet, our precious moon man!!!

loving you so,


ps. Jerry Hiers has joined you and his family is just starting this grief journey, so please you and the big guy hold him close and think of his family.

pps. The kids have had the best summer with Grandma Regular and I am so excited they are coming home tomorrow. I wish you could be part of the group hug!!!


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