I am working on a talk for Thursday and at first, I was terrified one more time!!! I asked myself, Why did I say yes? I also said in the same breath, this is what you want to do with your life. This has been YOUR BIG DREAM!!! You have dreamed of this and now that is here, why are you resisting it? Are you afraid? Heck yes, I am afraid. Are you fearful they will find out that you don’t know what you are doing? Heck yes, I am afraid of that. As I continued this roundabout conversation with myself without a good outcome, I remembered!!! I remembered!!!
When I was a little girl of about 10 I started spreading books out on my bed and reading and writing and reciting positive verses. I would read and underline and read again and rejoice right there and I would find peace. Now at age 60, I find peace in the same way. I find joy in the same way. It is in the pages and in the verses of those that have gone before me. It is in the voices and in the verses of the champions that with little they made much. It is in the verses and in the voices that I remember that we are created to make a difference and add value in the lives of others. I CAN DO THAT, YOU CAN DO THAT. WE ALL CAN DO THAT.
Who am I to do great things? No who am I NOT to do great things? The same creator that created them CREATED ME!!! So if that is true then with God’s help, God’s grace and my intention to add value to the lives of others. I can’t go wrong. If my intent is to be of service then how can that not work? The answer and the truth is that if I am steadfast in my belief that I am put here to add value in the life of another and if I am steadfast in the study of good books and the study of those who have done that thing I wish to do , then I can not go wrong.
I don’t know the outcome of all that I want to do but I do know that God has shown me over and over and over again, that if I am faithful and I rest in his promise then I will be at peace. I will be filled with love and in the filing of it I will pour it out on all of you.
This was such a simple practice with the greatest results. As a 10-year-old child I was seeking peace in a tumultuous unsteady alcoholic home. I found it. As a 60 year old I am seeking peace in a busy world, filled with loss and love, and hardships and triumphs, challenges and victories, but in both worlds, the answer is the same. I am seeking and finding the source of all creation and I am taking it in as deep as I can breathe it. It is a rhythm of grace that makes for the most beautiful life.
So I am thankful that you allow me into your heart with the deepest of my musings and you follow me as best you can. There is so much that I don’t know about this world but I do know this, that the source of my joy, the source of my happiness and the source of my contentment comes from the one who created me and created you. I find it because I sit and read and write and recite and practice in my heart and in my head that which I want. And so it is.
Loving you deeply with a level of grace that confounds me and amazes me!!!
Ps. I hope you still stay with me after reading this. This is an example of a total pouring out of that which is in me. Unfettered. Unabridged. Wide open.
Pps. My prayer is for you to find the peace that I know that you can have.
Ppps. Not all these letters are a thing but it is now!! I keep finding my peace in the exact same place right where I left it.