34 Moons Ago…… Dear Hugh,

Hey Sweet and most honorable and most loving  man!!!

It has been 34 full moons since you left us and we just had a spectacular full moon and as per usual people were sending me all their moon pics!!!  Isn’t that sweet to think that all of those that loved me and loved you remember you each month when the moon shines in all her glory?

I have been reading so many books since you left and one of the things I miss is talking to you about the books we read. I don’t have anyone to do that with anymore. I am thinking about starting back the Beachy Beach Book club just so I will have a buddy to talk about books with.  

I just read another book, Scary Close by Donald Miller and you would have loved it so much. He talks very candidly about how he was about relationships prior to his Betsy and I remember you saying some of the same stuff. One thing that sticks out to me was that a friend of his, Al Andrews said that, “Relationships are teleological.  They’re all going somewhere and they’re turning us into something, hopefully something better, something new. 

I remember all the times that you said this to me, of course I am not sure either of us knew what that actual word meant, teleological that is.  I know you always said you wanted to be a better person because of me but I felt the same way.  Since you’ve been gone I continue to live that out. I think and share so many times the things you taught me and the things we learned together as married people who honored and cherished each other.  

I will never forget after that 4th and final time we broke up, you promised to cherish me for the rest of your life and you did just that!!!  You did not only tell me but you talked behind my back all the time. Sweetly that is!!!  You never missed an opportunity to tell me or others how proud you were of me.  

I loved that we both laughed about falling in love and how dangerous that sounded!!! We decided we were thankful that we grew in love at a steady pace.  It was a slow burning fire that was not easily snuffed out.   We also made fun of movies where the two love interests would claim that they completed each other!!!  By any other name that is codependency.  I am so grateful that we learned that the best way to have a healthy relationship was for both of us to be healthy and whole as individuals.  Two healthy independent kind hearted adults with the same values makes for a complete marriage.  

I gave the table on the recovery porch to Kristi and John and as they took it off, I wondered just how many men had sat at that table. How many prayers were prayed? How many tears were shed?  How many times did you assure me that one day the light would go on and stay on in the boy’s recovery process. I think you have been pulling strings with the big guy to tell you the truth.

Nothing makes me happier than when a friend shares with me that their husband was a better husband because of all the hours spent around that table.  I will never get rid of the sign that says, “Tell the truth all the time.”  You would be so proud because Sheldon steps in for me on My Happy Ass life when I can not do it. Much of the time he speaks he references you and when he does I well up with grateful emotion.  He shares with people what an amazing man and example of what a loving husband was.

I realize that our relationships really are teleological.  Our relationship, your relationship of service with those around you really has taken us to a better place. Your impact on our life is no less important than 34 full moons ago. My life and my heart is still growing and reaching and stretching to become more of the Karen that God wants me to be. I imagine you clapping and telling Jesus how proud you are of me.  I imagine that you are believing that there is so much more left for me to do.  

Hugh, my life changed forever for the better and I will never stop thanking you for our life and thanking God for trusting us with the time that we had together.

My heart is as full as the moon,

Karen, sweetie to you!!!