When Hugh would talk to all those recovering fellows on the porch I heard him say this numerous times,”It was 5 years before I had walking around sense.” The funny thing when I look back is I started seeing Hugh when he had just started to get his walking around sense!!! I was newly divorced, a box I was ashamed to check and thought it would never be me.
He was my sweet two streets over neighbor and all I knew was he was kind and cute and very humorous and smart and the best part…. SOBER!!!! I had decided because of lessons learned with my starter husband that I did not want to date anyone who drank. So being a 5 year sober alcoholic with the sweetest and kindest heart was just right for me. We started out really really Slooooowwwww!!!
If it takes 5 years to have walking around sense then he must have thought that it would take 5 years to even think about, thinking about, thinking about mentioning marriage. He let me know right in the beginning that Huey Dewy was not interested in a long and committed relationship and all that jazz. Not sure why I did not run for the hills at that time but the essence and heart of him and his kind spirit was enough to intrigue me to stay. And anyway I was still raising kids so no space for marriage for me either.
The reason I mention walking around sense is that I am reminded that we all learn our lessons at the pace we are supposed to learn them. We don’t get it and then poof we are well. Recovery from anything takes time and patience and the best thing us loved ones can do is know that our part is a one day at a time acceptance of where they are in their journey. It is also not always a forward motion, it zigs and zags a little…. And sometimes a lot!!!
Hugh and I were so grateful for the life that we had together and the reason it worked besides lots of love is that both of us were in a program of recovery. Both of us did not try to fix or change the other one. We both decided that was God’s job and not ours so we lived and let lived our way through our 20 years together.
If you or your family member is working on a life of recovery, please know that it gives you the best life ever but it takes work. It is a work that is not done alone or in a vacuum. There are those who have been in your shoes and they are happy to walk the life of sobriety with you. You never have to be alone!!!! The community of Friends of Bill will walk, run, cry, lift, carry and love you through all of it!!!
The best way to have walking around sense is to help someone else and before you know it you all are making much more sense and having a happy, joyous and free life!!!