Dear Happy Asses,
Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
This is Step Three in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it also turned out to be a pretty great tactic for getting your longtime boyfriend to move off dead center. Let me explain.
Hugh and I had been dating and sharing our lives for almost five years, and I was getting a bit weary of using the word boyfriend at my age. It sounded strange, it felt strange, and I was NEVER going to be the one to bring up marriage. He had made it abundantly clear that he was a confirmed loner who enjoyed his bachelor status, though he was a kind and committed boyfriend. (Even writing that still sounds weird when you’re well into adulthood and longing for something more.)
The week before March 9, 2003, I was weary. I wanted more, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. I had been in a program of recovery long enough to know what to do with feelings that tied me in knots, so I pulled out Step Three and handed it over to God.
I sat with myself and asked: What do I want? Am I okay to remain a forever girlfriend? Do I want more? Do I need more? Am I willing to ask for it?
The answers came quickly.
— No, I did not want to be the forever girlfriend.
— Yes, I wanted more.
— And no, I was not brave enough to ask for it.
So Step Three it was.
I told God I wasn’t going to tell Him what to do, but that He knew my heart. I was willing—fully, honestly, and without reservation—to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. I trusted he had my absolute best interest at heart. Then I released it. Truly released it. And a quiet peace settled in.
That weekend, Hugh did something totally out of character. He gave up golf—his sacred, beloved golf, to help me move Britt. Whether it was South Florida to Tennessee or Tennessee to South Florida, I still can’t remember, and it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he volunteered to spend a whole weekend driving (which he hated) and skip golf (which he hated even more).
Then came March 9. We were sitting at Cracker Barrel, eating an Uncle Hershel’s Special, when the waitress asked if we were married. I almost slid under the table to avoid Hugh’s reaction.
Instead, he turned to me and said, “You know… I’m not opposed to getting married.”
I just stared at him. And in that instant, I remembered myself in the bathtub that Wednesday before—turning Hugh, and all my aching questions about marriage, over to the God of my understanding.
It wasn’t a romantic proposal. It was a surrender—his and mine—to a life I didn’t think he ever wanted. I winked at Heaven that day, and I thanked God every single day until 2018, when God took Hugh home under a full moon rising over the other side of the world. But that is another story for another day.
The whole point of this one is simple:
God has ALWAYS had my best interest at heart.
The greatest gifts of my life have never come by force but by true, total, wholehearted surrender to the God of my deep understanding.
And sometimes those gifts show up over an Uncle Hershel’s Special at Cracker Barrel.
Love you dearly,
Karen Key Smith
