I struggle with self-confidence.
I had a whole love note almost completed, but it felt clunky and contrived… and then my computer went dead!!!
I’m actually thankful for that little intervention, because it gave me the chance to write what I authentically — and vulnerably — needed to write.
People who don’t know me, and maybe even some who do, have no idea that self-confidence is a pain point for me. It’s something I wrestle with, and I imagine many of you may as well. So today I heard something that helped me reframe it — and you know how much I love a good reframe. I want to learn and grow, not stay stuck.
Dr. Shade Zahrai, an expert and author on self-confidence, said something that gave me a big ol’ aha. She said, “What if self-confidence is viewed as self-trust?”
The idea that I can trust myself to do whatever is needed in whatever situation I come upon.
I’m using my words and not hers, but there is something about trusting myself rather than trying to feel confident in myself that feels more empowering. It feels more rooted in action rather than emotion — and that matters to me.
I love words. I really love words and where they come from, so that’s always a good place for me to go when I’m seeking growth. The Latin root of the word confidence is confidentia, from the verb confidere, meaning to have full trust or reliance.
The American definition is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities and qualities.
I don’t always feel that way.
But I can look back on my life and see the things I’ve accomplished — and maybe even more importantly, the things I did when I was afraid or doubting myself… and I did them anyway.
Everywhere I look back, I realize that building confidence is an action.
It’s a becoming.
It’s not “fake it till you make it.”
It’s more about becoming who you already wish and believe yourself to be at the core of your heart.
Maybe as a child, confidence was portrayed as being full of yourself, and maybe that’s why it didn’t always feel positive to me. I’m not exactly sure where my struggle with confidence began — but the root isn’t nearly as important as the solution.
Whatever the circumstances in my life have been — whether I caused them or not — I am still responsible for my growth and the path I choose forward.
This probably needs to be a two-parter or maybe even a deeper study, but for the purpose of this love note, here’s what I believe:
Confidence is developed through showing up.
It’s developed by keeping promises to myself.
And this is the big one — it’s developed through all my mess-ups and imperfect action.
My wish for myself this coming year, and for you, is that we become aware of — and proud of — our God-given abilities, and that through action we develop and nurture them.
That is my best hope for being the value I want to be in this beautiful world I get to live in.
I am so thankful that I get to be vulnerable and open-hearted with such a lovely group of growth-oriented humans.
I adore you, and let’s keep on becoming — so we can help others in their becoming too.
Loving you with the biggest, most wide-open heart,
Karen
