Dear Happy Asses,
I find it very easy to notice when someone else is not displaying emotional intelligence. It is crystal clear. Almost obvious. Sometimes even glaring. But here is the uncomfortable truth: When I notice it quickly, maybe that is my cue.
Maybe that is my nudge to check my own emotional intelligence.
Years ago, when I first started going to Al-Anon, they taught us to “clean up our side of the street.” I remember reading a passage and immediately thinking, Oh wow… so-and-so really needs to read this. And then just as quickly, something inside of me said,“How about you read it again. For you.” That was a moment.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while being aware of and sensitive to the emotions of others. It is self-awareness. Self-regulation. Empathy. The ability to pause instead of react.
It matters in life. It especially matters in the workplace. As a leader, more is expected of me. And it should be.
If I want steadiness, I must be steady. If I want maturity, I must model maturity. If I want thoughtful communication, I must practice thoughtful communication.
It is not my job to monitor everyone else’s growth. That is their work.
Mine is to model it.
So when I feel tempted to point outward, I try to turn the mirror around and ask myself:
Am I reacting or responding?
Am I assuming intent or asking for clarity?
Am I trying to be right, or trying to be effective?
Is my tone aligned with my values?
What is my part in this?
Those questions sting a little. And that is usually a good sign. Because the learning spotlight belongs on me. The older I get, the more I realize I am my one job.
My job is to learn. To grow. To become. To become enlightened so that I might enlighten.
And when I keep that focus, something beautiful happens. The world gets softer. My reactions get quieter. My leadership gets stronger.
It’s not you. It’s me.
And that is the best news ever, because I can change me and grow me.
A Prayer I’m Praying This Week
God, please help me keep the learning spotlight on me. When I am tempted to point out a flaw in another, remind me that I am my one job. I am my one job to learn and to grow and to become enlightened so I might enlighten. Help me ask You to show me what I need to work on to make the world brighter and sweeter. And help me trust that You have my brothers and my sisters under Your direction — not mine.
And so it is.
P.S. My Love Note was late this week because I realized — oh my goodness — I completely missed it. But now I know why. There was a lesson I needed to learn before I could share it. So here I am, exposing myself just a bit, so I can come authentically before you.
