“The experience of loss does not have to leave us with the memory of a painful event that stands alone, like a towering monument that dominates the landscape of our lives. Loss can also leave us with the memory of a wonderful story. It can function as a catalyst that pushes us in a new direction, like a closed road that forces us to turn around and find another way to our destination. Wha knows what we will discover along the way? ~ Jerry Sittser from A GRACE DISGUISED
I was baking cookies tonight to take to Sheldon and all the fellows at rehab tomorrow so I don’t have to even tell you what the kitchen looked like. THIS MESSY KITCHEN THAT WAS THE EPITOME OF MESSY OF ALL MESSES MADE ME THINK OF YOU SO PROFOUNDLY AND YOU KNOW WHY. You had the best time teasing me about what a total and complete mess I was in the kitchen and how I had it down to an art form. You found it hard to believe that I could create such a mess ALL BY MYSELF AND IN SUCH A short time!!!
What is so sweet to me that was typical of you and so typical of the sweet, sweet life I had with you was your emphasis on the creation and not the mess. Oh yes, you loved to tease me and laugh about it but you made it a point to talk about how great my cookies were and that the mess was as much a part of me as my hair… although we know that was not really blond. Ha, not sure what color it is now. Back to my cookies, you always told people that I made the best cookies and then you would break into the story of how I got started in business.
You would tell people about my baking cookies for all the contractors and putting them in a bag with my slogan on them, “The only people we have to get even with are those that have helped us.” Do you know that from time to time people tell me about remembering those cookies? You for some reason really loved that story.
That was not the only story you told of me. You found a way to tell a sweet story that shined the light on the things that were good about me, the things you loved about me, the things you admired and appreciated. You did not waste time fussing about the things that you knew you could not change. You just rolled with it!!! God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change…..
I have to admit some days are easier than others without you. I admit that somedays the weekends are really lonely no matter how full they are… because you are not here. I admit that without my sweet relationship with God above, Dad as you called him, this would be a much rougher journey. I am held up and together by a big holy love.
I am seeking to find all the good, all the lovely and share all the love I have with as many people that I can and as many ways that I can. That seems to help. We miss you so dearly and we remember you so fondly as the kindest man and the most patient and loving husband and father and friend.
Your messy messy grateful wife,
Karunning as usual
ps. Do you remember when you addressed all my love letters with a funny name for me usually something like Karunning or ka… always moving? I have all those notes but I am afraid to look at them yet. Just too soon.
pss. I have been making really tough decisions lately that you and I talked about and you would be so proud, but it has been a tough road, but God and I are tougher.