Dear Happy Asses,
Today is vision board day at our company — a ritual we’ve done since our inception.
I don’t always finish my vision board on paper, but I work at it constantly with words, questions, and plans. I love to plan. I love to question. And lately, I’m working on asking myself questions that maybe I’d prefer to leave unasked.
I think we get caught up believing that all of our questions need answers — but that’s not always how life works. I’m learning to be okay with unanswered questions and with the fact that I don’t always know the endgame.
My word this year is Courage!!!
When I look forward — and even take a glimpse backward — I see so many things I’ve said I wanted to do but haven’t done yet. Most of them require courage. They require getting it wrong, being misunderstood, and sitting with all those uncomfortable feelings I don’t love at all.
I also haven’t felt well for several weeks, and that does not sit well with this perpetual Happy Ass. Yesterday, I even felt slightly depressed and low on energy. Out with the kids, all I wanted to do was go climb back into bed.
My normal state is constant motion, usually needing to schedule stillness. But I’m not nearly as fond of stillness when it comes from not having the energy to move or feel jubilant. Those are strange and very unwelcome feelings for me.
And yet — if I truly believe my life is built from all of my experiences, then there must be purpose in this too.
What is it teaching me?
Or maybe there is no lesson.
Maybe this is just normal life reminding me that contrast is what makes a life full. Perhaps feeling something unfamiliar will help me better understand others — and remind me that life is not a straight line. Maybe courage means accepting all of it.
The happy and the sad.
I chose the word “courage” this year because at 66, I don’t have the luxury of unlimited time. That realization is propelling me to narrow down what I’m truly here to do. It’s also showing me that I need the courage to do what I know I’m called to do — regardless of the expectations or opinions of others.
I’m asking for courage to embrace the darkness, as well as the light; knowing that all of it matters if we want to live wholehearted lives.
It took courage to share this love note with you today. Happy Ass is usually… well… happy. And when I’m not, I tend to think the world must be coming to an end.
But alas — it isn’t.
It’s just slowing down.
And maybe I’m slowing down so the world can catch up with me.
I’m rereading a book by Sue Monk Kidd that I highly recommend, When the Heart Waits. In it, she says that asking questions is brave — and essential to living an authentic life:
“People who want life hammered down into tight, legalistic certainties seem to me to be the people most insecure inside. Frankly, the folks who frighten me the most are those who are dead certain about everything, who have all the answers and no questions.”
Whew.
Then I must be in good shape, because I have lots of questions. And I pray God gives me the time and energy to pursue them.
I’m thankful that I know questioning my life gives me more of a life — and helps me be more compassionate toward myself and others.
I think that might just be my endgame.
Lawdy…
the musings of a Happy Ass~~
Love,
Karen Key Smith
