Dear Happy Asses,
“Trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body.”
— The Body Keeps the Score
I am beyond fascinated by neuroscience and I dream of a world where instead of being a Real Estate Broker and Podcast host that I am a white-coat-wearing (who am I kidding… mine would be pink) scientist talking to people about how we carry everything that has happened to us in our bodies. What is even more fascinating is realizing that we may carry what has happened to our family members in our bodies too. Don’t worry, I will not get too woo woo, but I believe that if I study long enough and live long enough I will discover the connection between all that I am and all that I have experienced, and maybe just maybe more light will be revealed.
I think I have spoken of this a few times, but I have experienced many a day when I walked into my house and it was dark and for just a moment I froze and was afraid that the power had been turned off. For that brief moment I was back in a time when that was not an unknown fear but an ever-present reality. My body felt just like it did back then, even though there was no present proof that I was broke again.
I had a similar moment recently at the gym, which is clearly one of my greatest antidotes for keeping my mind, body, and spirit connected. I went to scan my key fob and it froze… and I froze too. For just a moment I was right back in that old place where I was broke and the bills were not paid. There was absolutely no reason for that thought to be there, but my body remembered before my mind had time to catch up.
When I smell alcohol on someone’s breath or see anger begin to rise in a tipsy person my body freezes and I am scared and insecure and unsure, even if only for a moment. I am the nine-year-old who is embarrassed and feels like everyone is talking about me because my dad is, once again, drunk. Now that I am older, I know people are not thinking of us nearly as much as we think they are, but those learned trauma responses don’t die easily.
I know that so many of our responses and reactions are here to keep us alive and warn us of danger. I also know that many of these triggers continue to happen in a world where they are no longer needed. That is why I am so mesmerized by this mind, body, and spirit connection and why I spend time in quiet, solitude, prayer, and study so that all the things that could cause harm in my body can instead become reasons to grow and become. I am not stuck. As a forever growing human I am able to learn and take all those lessons, past and present, and become more of the person God intended me to be.
I remember when Hugh and I were married he told me that when life brings him fearful things, he carries it in his back and ends up with a terrible backache. For me, as soon as I am confronted with something that makes me fearful, I immediately get an upset stomach. What are those things that make us feel it in our bodies? That fascinates me. But it fascinates me because I am an optimist no matter what occurs. So maybe, just maybe, we can listen to those cues and do things that help us in mind body and spirit, move past those signals and change our reaction into a response.
For me, when I feel that fearful pain in my body I stop and thank God that I am no longer there, and that I have been delivered from those things that once plagued me. The funny thing about this life, if I am blessed to continue living it, is that other challenges will occur. And once again I will learn to respond with a grateful spirit that helps me see things as information… information that I either learn from, recover from, or grow from.
And maybe the body that once carried my pain is the very thing that will help carry me into my healing.
